


A Feast Worthy of the Gods

by estelendur



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Birthday Feast, Domestic Avengers, F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 14:12:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelendur/pseuds/estelendur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon discovering that Tony has "upgraded" the kitchen appliances, Thor seeks Pepper and Natasha's help in cooking a birthday feast for Jane.</p><p>Pairings are established and mostly background.</p><p>This is a gift for jarvisaur on LJ for the Avengers Holiday Exchange</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Feast Worthy of the Gods

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jarvi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarvi/gifts).



At about nine in the morning, Thor entered the dining room covered in a sticky purple substance, just as Pepper and Natasha were finishing their late weekend breakfast. “Lady Pepper? Lady Natasha? I would seek your aid.”

Natasha looked him over. “Let me guess. You were trying to bake, and Stark upgraded the stand mixer again.”

“Indeed.” Thor sighed. “How did you know?”

“Jane's visiting today,” said Pepper, “it's her birthday, and her favorite color is purple.”

“This isn’t the first time Stark’s upgraded the mixer,” Natasha added.

“You should have seen Clint covered in chocolate meringue.” Pepper smiled gently. “Go get cleaned up, and we’ll help you out.”

–

“First question: what is your ideal outcome?” Pepper asked, pulling out her tablet and stylus.

“I wish to make a feast for the Lady Jane’s birthday, to be shared by all of us. I was uncertain how to prepare the main courses, so I had begun with the cake. I understand that is the primary Midgardian birthday food tradition, and the mixer did not seem so difficult to use. Then it... I believe it tried to anticipate my desires, but was somewhat over-enthused.”

“Sounds about right, for a Stark kitchen appliance.” Natasha tilted her head.

“The mixer is easy enough to fix; what else do you want to cook?”

“An Asgardian feast would include all manner of meats and some other dishes, but as I have learned, Midgardians often prefer the other dishes to predominate. I had thought to go to the grocery store to discover what might be there.”

Pepper smiled. “Shall we go to the grocery store, then? God knows I’ve helped plan enough parties – and been to enough of them – that I should be able to help you.”

Natasha just smiled.

–

“Lady Natasha, you can cook?”

“You’d be surprised,” Natasha said, examining an onion. 

“She’s very skilled with her hands,” said Pepper. “I’m given to understand that living under cover for months on end has something to do with it, too.”

“It’s amazing what you can do with enough spices, no matter how bad the ingredients are.” 

“Which means that when you start with good food, like we are here, the results can be amazing.”

“Can be, dearheart? Will be,” Natasha corrected her, adding two more onions to the cart.

“Remind me, what are we seeking?” Thor asked, hovering anxiously. “I have very little experience preparing food, unless it be as simple as roasting a joint.”

“Which is why you asked us for help,” Pepper reminded him. “Onions, garlic, peppers, carrots, and celery will give you the basis for a number of savory dishes; even if we don’t use them for tonight’s meal, we’ll use them well before they go bad.”

“It’s autumn, which means we’ll want to look at squashes and root vegetables,” Natasha said. “They’re hearty, do well as savory or sweet dishes, and keep for a very long time. The plan, as I guess,” she said, nodding to Pepper, “is to buy as versatile a set of ingredients as we can and see what we can make of them when we return to the tower.”

“I must confess,” Thor said, “the idea of improvising an entire feast is a strange one to me. I believe the cooks in Asgard have a small set of dishes they can prepare apart from meat, as there are those of our number who would happily survive off of flesh alone.” 

Pepper laughed. “There are those of our number, as well, especially if you’re talking about America and not just the Avengers.”

They worked their way slowly through the produce section. “Most of the store is processed foods, already prepared; if we can avoid touching anything more processed than broth or stock, we will,” Natasha explained. “Good ingredients make better food than any trickery I know, so we’ll spend most of our time on produce. There’s a small butcher store across the street with properly raised meat, and we’ll go there next.”

“What about bread?” Thor asked. 

“Tony’s favorite bakery is a couple blocks from here,” Pepper said. “They know me.”

“Excellent. This will be a feast to remember. Now, what are these?” Thor asked, picking up a weird exotic plant-part.

–

There was some disagreement in the butcher’s shop. Namely, they couldn't agree on what kind of meat to get. Thor thought that whole animals looked most feast-like; Natasha and Pepper knew that it would be much easier to cook smaller cuts of meat. In the end, they settled on a suckling pig, a few small game birds, and several choice cuts of beef. Then they had to go back to the grocery store to buy more herbs.

–

The bakery was quite a bit smaller than Thor would have expected, given that it was apparently Tony's favorite, but the baker greeted Pepper and Natasha like old friends.

“Ms. Potts, Ms. Romanov, darlings, how are we today? Who is your friend? How is Mister Stark?”

Pepper smiled and kissed the proffered cheek. “We're well, Mrs. Simmons. Tony is, too. This is our friend Thor.”

“Ah, yes, I recognize him from television.” Mrs. Simmons nodded sagely. “Welcome to my store. I sell the best bread in New York; you may count on that. How can I help you today?”

“It is my lady's birthday,” Thor explained, “and we are creating a feast for her. We come here seeking bread, so it is well that yours is the best!”

Mrs. Simmons laughed. “So earnest! Well, Mr. Thor, what kind of bread?”

He shrugged and looked to the women. Natasha spoke up. “We'd like rolls to start, both soft and crusty. We're going to have several courses, so I think we'd like a dark rye bread, a crusty white bread, that wonderful beer bread your husband makes, and maybe some challah – this is New York, and it is Friday, so why not? – just to make sure all the bases are covered.”

“It would be wonderful if we could arrange for the bread to be warm at the feast,” Pepper put in. “We would be more than willing to pay you to finish baking it at Stark Tower tonight. I understand that it takes a long time to make bread as good as yours, though.”

“Of course,” Mrs. Simmons said. “It sounds as though you are having a fine party! I would be glad to bring my dough. Let us say, you call me an hour before the party begins?”

“No problem,” Pepper said. 

“And it is a birthday feast, so will you be needing desserts?”

“I shall bake my lady a cake!” Thor said. “Additional sweets would not go amiss, however.”

“Assume the standard pastry order,” Pepper said. They stayed and gossiped for a few minutes more – Mrs. Simmons wanted to know about Thor and his lady, and of course they had to discuss Tony's latest misadventures – then went home to start cooking.

\--

As the inauspicious beginning to Thor's day implied, not just the stand mixer but several of the kitchen appliances – even in the enormous catering kitchen – had been “improved” during Tony's latest bout of distraction.

“Well,” Natasha said, “we'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way. He has left the inert objects alone, I hope.” She grabbed a knife and chopped a butternut squash in half, to test it. To everyone's dismay, instead of cutting clean through, the knife wiggled in her hands while passing through the squash so that it wound up cut in a lovely but ultimately unhelpful zigzag pattern.

Thor poked the knife warily, then picked it up and managed to pull one side off the handle. “See?” he said. “He's put a what-do-you-call-it, a device that detects motion – much cruder than the magical ones we have on Asgard, though we mainly put them in weapons.”

Natasha and Pepper looked at him, stunned. He smiled a little. “Heh. The Lady Jane does not only like me for my looks. I have seen this kind of device in my lessons – I was never to be an artisan, but a good king must know what freedoms his subjects require to perform their jobs.”

“So the problem with Midgardian tech is that it's not advanced enough?” Pepper asked.

“Indeed. Well, if we cannot use these knives, what can we use?”

Natasha grinned. “I have knives. We can sterilize them. Pep, other tools?”

“Let's test the ones in here.”

They managed to find mixing bowls, cutting boards, baking containers, and measuring things that Tony had missed in his wild orgy of technological improvement, although by the end of fifteen minutes they were all soaked with water and splattered with apple bits. They had discovered, to everyone's delight, that the ovens were un-tampered with (Jarvis helpfully confirmed this).

“I hope to God Stark doesn't walk in,” Natasha said, shaking her head.

“I dunno, it might do him good to see the fruits of his labor when he doesn't warn us first!” Pepper said. “Although if it's a problem, my room is closer and I think you left some clothes there last time you did laundry.”

“Thanks.” Pepper kissed her on the cheek and Natasha went to seek clean clothes.

“The two of you are in a relationship?” asked Thor.

“We're subtle.” Pepper smiled. “It's partly Tasha's nature, and partly a survival mechanism; when Clint found out, he made a joke about being in his bunk, for instance. Not only would Tony be crude about it – actually, he already has been – but I don't want to rub it in his face, since he's back to sleeping with random groupies, when he gets laid at all.”

Thor nodded sagely. “I understand. For much a similar reason, my friends and I were subtle about our assignations.”

“Your friends?” Pepper raised an eyebrow.

“Indeed. There were so few on Asgard who were acceptable bedmates, because of my station, so the Warriors Three, Sif, and I often shared each other's beds. I, at least, tried to be kind about it around Loki, as none of them respected or trusted him enough to share. As well, I think the idea of the two of us together was disturbing – I would not have considered it, yet they could not keep it from their minds.”

“I understand.”

Natasha returned, disarmingly dressed in a flannel shirt and worn jeans. “Let's get this food show on the road. The ovens will still do as we ask, so let's roast some root veg and make a little spaghetti squash for lunch. Pep, you chop turnips and do magic with them. Thor, peel those chunky carrots we got and cut them up small, then put them in a square glass dish with some butter and maple syrup. I'll do lunch and get some beet soup on the stove.”

Pepper chopped the turnips, setting aside the greens for later, and grabbed some parsnips to go with them, mixing them in another glass baking dish along with ginger, lemon, and several herbs. She slung them in an oven, setting a timer for when they'd be soft but not mushy, and turned to Natasha. “What now, o kitchen commander?”

“I like that.” Natasha winked at Pepper. “The biggest of these birds is going to take a while to cook. How about you brine it? Then, if you want, a spicy marinade for some of the beef.”

Under Natasha's skilled direction, supplemented by suggestions from Pepper and requests from Thor, they managed to fill every oven and stovetop, washing preparation dishes between cooking cycles, rotating through until they'd prepared a feast that not even the Avengers and their loved ones could finish eating, and which Thor declared literally fit for the gods.

“We shall certainly have much food remaining. What shall we do with it?” Thor asked, mixing a less ill-fated batch of cake batter.

Natasha looked to Pepper, who smiled. “I've arranged for the leftovers to be served to the poor and homeless in the city the next day, and given a hefty donation to the kitchen that will be doing the serving, so they can get more fresh food to supplement it all. It'll be great PR, and people who really need it will be well-fed.”

“That's what you were doing talking to Jarvis out there,” Natasha said, with a tone implying she'd already known. “Sneaky woman.” She kissed Pepper happily.

“Excellent!” Thor boomed. “Let us therefore make cake enough for all to enjoy!”

–

Somehow, the remainder of the food prep went smoothly, and the three of them found a working rhythm sturdy enough to withstand Tony and Clint popping in and out of the kitchen. Fortunately, once Tony learned what they were doing, he graciously undid some of his modifications, “since you don't have time to learn how to use it today, even though it will cook so much faster, I swear, okay, okay, I'm fixing it,” freeing up an oven or two for Mrs. Simmons to use later, since vegetables and meat were replaced in the ovens by cake and other desserts as quickly as they emerged – Thor had not been kidding about his intentions, and baking staples were one thing they always kept well-stocked. Mrs. Simmons arrived right on time, and snagged Thor and Natasha to help her carry the dough up from her truck. 

\--

Pepper periodically excused herself from the baking to arrange for party set-up: she drafted Bruce and Steve to help, as they were unlikely to make anything worse, to set up the room, and, aided by Jarvis, worked out a scheme for fast, tasteful decoration – necessary, as none of the rooms likely to hold up to such a feast were particularly residential. Bruce and Steve happily helped with this as well. Finally, she had Happy pick Jane up at the airport, with just enough time for her to get cleaned up and a bit relaxed before dinner.

–

When everything was finally laid out, Natasha sighed contentedly and leaned briefly on Pepper's shoulder, just looking at the table covered in food.

“We did good, Tasha,” Pepper said.

“The food that is about to die, we salute,” Natasha said, stepping slightly away just as the others came into the room in a well-dressed crowd. “Hail Caesar Potts.”

\--

The dinner itself went off well: the company was good, the food was better, and the guest of honor was happy, although Pepper had to assure Jane several times that, really, everyone appreciated the opportunity for a party, and it had been an absolute pleasure to spend the day in the kitchen “where my work has results, for a change.” Natasha just smiled, knowing that Pepper wasn't saying she was glad for the excuse to spend all day with each other.

They were about to set upon the doomed cake, beautifully decorated in two shades of purple frosting, when the trouble Natasha had been keeping an eye open for all day finally teleported in.

Loki stood at the center of the table, dressed in Asgardian clothing but unarmored, bearing an enormous cake with decoration so fine, it might have been gold filigree.

Everyone stood immediately, shoving their chairs to the walls. Those with weapons drew them.

“Stop!” Thor shouted, standing with his arms wrapped around Jane. They stopped. “What is the meaning of this, my brother?”

“You of all people should know what happens when you do not invite a _witch_ to a party,” Loki drawled. “They always show up anyway.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow and planted a fist on one hip. “Explain the cake.”

Loki pivoted on one heel to face her. “You need not fear me today, Ms. Romanov,” he said. “I am under a _geas_.” He spat the word like a curse. “It so happens that today, Odin's will was that I obey Frigga's will, Thor's darling mother, who wished to convey her good wishes to her son's beloved.” He set down the cake on an empty piece of table. “I have so done. I will be leaving, now.” And he did.

“Well, that was certainly something,” said Tony, sitting back down. 

Bruce and Clint noticeably relaxed, and took their seats warily. Steve approached the new addition to the table. “Is it safe?”

“Of course; it is from my mother!” Thor said. “She is the only one with the skill to craft this beauteous decoration, and look.” He held his finger next to the delicate decorations, and they began to glow softly. “Loki could not imitate that. We may eat of it freely.” 

“That is amazing,” Steve said.

“Steven, as our captain, would you like to do the honors of cutting Jane's cake?” Thor asked.

“I would be honored,” Steve said. “Er. Will a knife do the trick?”

“If it is not one of those that Anthony has modified, yes,” said Thor, handing Steve the one he had meant to use.

“Hang on, hang on, we can't just EAT the glowing cake!” Tony said, getting up to fuss over it. “How does it do that?”

“It is fascinating,” agreed Bruce, leaning over to get a better look.

“It's my cake,” said Jane. “And I want to eat it. Even though I do really want to know how it works. Um. Captain Am- I mean, Steve, can cut it, though,” she said. “Sorry, I'm still... not used to all this.”

“It's fine, Miss Foster,” Steve assured her. 

\--

To everyone's delight and the scientists' curiosity, the cake decoration kept glowing once cut, although Thor deactivated it before people ate it. 

“Let's not give this away,” Jane suggested to Pepper. “We can test a bit of the leftovers. Also it's extremely delicious.” Pepper agreed, only partly because she suspected foul play might ensue if Tony, Bruce, and Jane were thwarted in their curiosity.

Pepper made sure everyone got a bit of the homemade cake, too, and Thor and Natasha were pleased when it was also well-received.

Finally, when everyone was full and the plates were cleared, Thor got a small package out of some hiding place and presented it to Jane.

“Happy birthday, my lady.”

Jane unwrapped the box and opened it to reveal a beautiful, complex metal object.

“It's an orrery,” Thor explained. “A model of the nine realms.”

“Oh my goodness. Thank you!” Jane hugged Thor tightly, and looked at the orrery closely. “This is amazing, I'm going to have to figure out how this all works, this is nothing like human astronomers understand...” 

Pepper stood and rapped her knuckles on the table to get everyone's attention. “Thank you, everyone, for a wonderful dinner. Happy birthday to our dear guest, Dr. Foster, who I see is occupied with her lovely gift. You all have a good night now.” She smiled graciously and everyone took the hint and got up to at least find somewhere else to chat, including Jane, who was still playing with the orrery, and Thor, who gently led her by one elbow.

Natasha went up to Pepper, when everyone else had left, and smiled silently.

“It was lovely getting to spend the day with you,” Pepper said. “The food was delicious, too.”

“You sell yourself short,” Natasha said. “I'm off to bed; would you care to join me?” She offered an arm.

Pepper took it. “I would love to.”


End file.
